Entry #4-Ramblings
They say we are asleep more then we are awake. Well not nearly enough. I cant take being awake, actively thinking. I can’t do it, it’s like drowning without ever being near the water. I can’t breath at times, I freak out, think noting is okay. And really, nothing is okay. There’s nothing left here for me, I hate this place. Every seen it all here, I don’t want anymore. I want to sleep, I want to hibernate for a very long time. Forever? And even in this time of spring I cannot find the strength inside me to fake a smile, fake a good mood. It kills me to think. Literally. I find myself wandering through out my house, wandering through out the city, like a ghost, homeless. The now hallow husk and shell of a once lively animal. To think about it now even sleeping doesn’t help. I’m plagued by vivid and lengthy dreams in which I engage with her, as if nothing happened. Those dreams are the worst and even now I can recall every single one and the exact night that they occurred upon. Waking up is the hardest thing to do. Sit up in bed, feel the morning, then, like a tidal wave it smashes into me, forcing me back into the bed, desperately and frantically seeking sleep. Where have you gone my old friend? Please, take me back into you realm of joy, make me forget the real world.
I would do anything to see the smile appear once more on your face.